Frustrations turned down

Even my writing sometimes smells of hypocrisy to me. Time and again, I go on this spree to kill the prevarications but to no avail. Such times bring back immediate memories of misery and solitude. However, the only way I have grown is that I am able to immediately switch my thinking jumpers to memories that take me on a sway to cloud number 9. This realization only reinforces the abstract fact that I now have a lot more benevolent memories to drub the malevolent ones. And I guess this is what makes me the Strong one - whose existence seems to be so difficult to believe for Hippo.

This concurrence of thoughts and events has to end at any cost. We take steps only to kill the immediate apprehensions but the long-term view seems missing in most of us. And for a change, I am one who believes that there need not be any short-term compromises for achieving the long-term goals..... I have been doing so ... winning immediate battles and at the same time am well in control of the steps required to win the war !!

Vishu Sahasranama Adhyaya comes as the guide that helps me navigate the eternal misappropriations !!

Palimpsest

The title means a manuscript that has been written with the previous text incompletely erased. We all write palimpsests in our minds in forward (or rather) backward looking ways. We do not seem to do away with our past, we are most often anxious as to what future beckons and in the process, we seem to minimize our existentialism in the present.

I used to regret, brood or envy my past and was always of the opinion that I could have achieved much more. It is a different proposition altogether, that I was (in most occasions) the focal point of envy for a lot many others and what amazes me is that each one managed to convince himself/herself that their envy was genuine. The reasons attributed towards such staunch convictions were plausible maws in my overarching speech in life (I meant plausible gaps in my personality). However, when I sit back and try to be envious, my thoughts seem to get caught in an immanent web and I fail to transcend across to look at faults with others. According to me, the entire mankind is sinful, then why do we attribute others as reasons to defend our contemporary sins (read envy in particular)?

Voila!! I now know how to delicately dictate my immanent and transcendent thoughts towards greater glory..... Immanence when down and out.... AND transcendence when elated... because ambitious goals will assuage humility... and propel me towards greater achievements. In the process of realizing and writing these musings, I guess I have overcome the envious vibes to a great extent. But definitely, there is still a long way to go ... before I surmount all the negativity...... and work towards serving mankind is ways that will be rightfully austere; without any disposition for brownie points... :)

I have always wanted to write about her.... my fingers are rearing but my mind has come to a stand-still. Very seldom does it happen that the body concurs but the mind stops......

Aah.. now I remember, that Coorg... thank you buddies.... I am sure all of us had a great time...
As always, Salman Khan rocks... though not many steps to imitate this time around..... neither do I have the college audience nor the critics to downplay upon.......

Love all and hate none.... I am writing this because I am sensing adequate envious vibes from a lot many these days....

Congeries is the way forward

I used to be the most ruffianly cribber in life... Although never in front of the exterior.. I challenged every success or failure, every recognition or lack of it, every expectation or absence of any; and every expression or deficiency. In the process of challenging every dash, I had begun to wither my insouciance. Every success was rolled over when there should have actually been drum rolls. Every minuscule recognition in terms of people and processes should have been digested before setting a target for the subsequent one. Every expectation should be set without any alignment to realistic offerings and every expression should emanate irrespective of the populace.

In short, I used to crib about everything in this world until the moment I looked within... and arrived at a conclusion that if the world is accommodating someone as self-interested as I , I better start respecting every decision and every action directed at me or anyone else for that matter. It is one of my ardent beliefs now that congeries is the way forward and I should strive to evolve as an amenable conciliator.

Ever since, I have been at peace both with myself and my expectation settings. Life appears to be drum-roll and I have begun to savour every visual and grimace has become a word of the past. I started looking forward to vibes from the exterior and bumped onto loads of benevolence.

And let me try to something similar to what Dhruv last entry...

1. He does not quite realise the mess he is getting into. He may be enjoying the time and company right now... but I guess it will not be long before the discommodes commence
2. She believed that she had found the perfect match- her soul mate. But then came the day when she found out that her match did house similar doles of passion. Agonised and deeply pained, she moved on but looked for him in every other guy. She kept going back ... and still does the same... I wish she gets some respite from her emotional quagmire
3. He is one of the most prodigiously talented individuals I have come across... but pessimism and a laid-back approach rule the roost in most of his decisions. He does get an opportunity to come out of his cocoon but these opportunities are never the ones with complete independence... as always.. I wish him all the success in life...
4. Riding on to the second boat of relationships, she stumbled a bit but eventually found true love. She even went to the extent of searching about his parents on public domain... a weird act of adhesiveness.. and one find day she decided to close her relationship with him. I just cannot fathom the rationale behind her decision... but my sympathies for him
5. He is by far luck-personified... and I have observed opportunities walking all the way to his doorstep only for the entry to be stalled for a little while; courtesy his laziness. He has added a whole new dimension to his existence and I sincerely hope that he is adding feathers to himself rather than trying to stitch the wings (because we need two hands to clap.. and he can afford to dedicate only one hand)
6. Her cheer has always brought a smile ... and her vibes rejuvenated the entire surroundings..... but some strange decisions clipped her wings .. and she feels that she can no longer take the exponential growth curve ... because she cannot fly. I can only wish her all the best...
7. She may have taken a different path altogether ... without exhaustively experiencing the materialistic world in its entirely. My only wish is that her realisations and learnings do not translate into arrogance whereby one looks down upon people who do not take similar paths. If all of us take that path, then selected individuals will be no longer be of the chosen pedigree.
8. He is finally at peace with whatever he is doing in life. He has stopped questioning himself with issues that have no meaning in life. I am extremely happy for him because he has finally deciphered himself after an internal melee.
   

Congeries is the way forward... especially when there has to be a substantial savings on the energy front... am participating in a defining phase of my life as a part of Doc's team....

I challenged everyone's intention... until I looked within.... and like Charles De Gaulle.. started adoring dogs more than humans..

Receded for now...

I loved you with the rock bottom of my heart... your thoughts filled me to the brim... Your breath gave me the sole reason to cherish my otherwise decrepit days of living...
Your smile meant the world of questions and answers to me...

And your presence as an attachment to my identity instilled the much need iota of confidence within me... in every situation.... in every role and across every pole...

But ALAS.... today... you continue to exist... with incremental flair and poise... while I struggle to make both ends meet when it comes to identifying myself with someone....

I really miss you....

And for all those who have already weaved their imagination webs, I am talking about the city with which I have had to part ways.... NEW DELHI.... It was tough packing from the city and shifting base forever....

I wish I could go back some day and reminisce those acutely nostalgic moments at those extremely commendable hang-outs, temples, grounds and roads...

And I have stopped listening to Delhi-6 .... Another noticeable change... So I was on my way to Dwaraka in the Delhi Metro.... I could see a lot of uncles and aunties proudly flaunting their tags that read Ministry of Defence, Ministry of Environment and others in the ilk. When I finally got to sit, although her constant rambles did divert me and I could not have afforded to stop her.... given the paucity of time... , the gentleman next to me was more keen on facilitating his child's government entrance examination rather than the IIT examination...Such thoughts are perfect indications of changing times.... We all know what stability can provide.... for once, it does break the circuit twice in our consitently inconsistent stock market...
Gung Ho... 6th Pay Commission... and ... UPA...

If only you could have worked for two more years DAD????

Beneficent diaries

Na mandir mein Na masjid mein....
Na paave Kailash mein !!

Mein to tere saath mein bande...
Mein to tere saath mein !!

It is often said that brilliance has its roots in simplicity. The more a person tries to complicate his actions/words/thoughts, the more OFTEN he ends up screwing his stature and respect. I hope people take the appropriate pointers especially during the appraisal seasons.

We had been to Ooty- All of US... and for the first time in my life after class XII do I have no inhibitions in writing US (I may exclude the trip to Jim Corbett though...). For a self-encomium, I have always been a person who derives his energies more from within than outside. However, as time progresses here in Bangalore, I sense a visible dereliction to come out of this cocoon and gander at good times with the Bang Gang. Although, there may not be much of an involvement from my side in any of the activities, but the innate exchanges of words and vibrations amongst the members make me all the more impregnable. There are tremendous (and moreover benevolent) traits exhibited by each one of US ... and I feel that I've got a lot of catching up to do....learn more from others..... in order to effect a auger positioning.

Sometimes issues trouble me beyond description, but the past year has taught me to take everything in the stride and MOVE ON >>>>>>>>>>>>
I screwed GMAT without really coming to know till date a flaw in my approach that may have contributed to the abysmal attempt. But, it is my stint at WCS that keeps me abreast in such dismal times. I have an extremely potent job and this feeling drives my motivation levels and strategic planning initiatives. The two supervisors I have had till date have been the best facilitators .... agreed that I have had my share of differences, but more often that not, the gaps were reconciled to my satisfaction.

I should have moved over to the next pedestal in life, but the failure in GMAT has contributed to current flux in more than one ways. Maybe, it is not a good idea to starkly depend on a few events in life.... we should not look forward to a few select days and expect things to change thereon. Infact, we should reckon a change every day ..... not on a continuous basis ..... but on a Continual one... (Dhawal would agree to the difference between continuous and continual)

Patiently waiting and preparing for the day when I break the jinx

Happiness and Corporate Governance

Mo ko kahan dhoonde re bande...
Mein to tere paas mein...

Na teerath mein na moorath mein ...
Na ekant nivas mein...

We just need to look inwards to find and realise our innate desires. The only caveat being the fact that you may find what you "need" and not what you "want". If I were to keep other happy through my words and actions, I would want to keep myself content and satisfied at the first place. One's embodiment of hope is not the world's obligation; in fact it is to do with shelving one's egotism and eccentricities.

The world misconstrues itself in glorified ways...

What i saw today makes me skeptical about the cynic and astute outpourings regarding the measures to improve corporate governance in India. I found that one of India's leading companies is writing off its impairment to assets through balance sheets rather than bringing it to the profit and loss account. I strongly feel that the firm should deduct the amount from its net profit but in ground reality, it deducts the amount from the share premium reserve. To surmise, the loss is not reflected in the bottomline and cataclysmic accounting sleights will be used to the hilt by corporates in botox their numbers.
I guess given the current economic downturn, organizations will certainly put one across and get away without disclosing their actual positions.

Long live gulling... We all do it in forward-looking ways

As things would have it, the three protagonists (in the pic) are reasonably happy at these times.... Reasons may vary... expressions may vary too... but extent of enrapture remains...the SAME

1:11 or 11:11

Its an extremely strange observation but I am seeing a lot of ones these days.. whenever i throw a glance on my mobile or the laptop, it usually reads 1:11 or 11:11. And its almost the tenth consecutive day since it all started. These times strike the clock four times a day and I have been encountering them atleast three times (On Sunday the count was four).

Wonder what future has in the entrenched in its dictates, wonder what it takes....


Having said that, I cannot help but muse that I am surrounded by a lot of considerate and benevolent forces. The maturity quotient is witnessing an exponential rise with every passing day. Thanks to a wonderful coterie of individuals surrounding me and also to the one who supports me in absentia.

I scored 155 in the bowling alley on Sunday. I would regard this as one of my greatest performances just that the greatest performance comes in the game I know the least.
One last thing,it is heartening to see them blushing their way to unison

God effectuated emotions, experiences, feelings, states and attitudes. And then he created love...

The Important link goes missing

I was left wondering... I was left in the lurch

I was left in the dark... I was left in my search...

For my fault, my short-comings, my pretence

For my mistakes, for my presentiments. my continued quest for defence

On the ground with a THUD...

Addiction is Bad!!! No matter what is the subject of addiction.

I seem to be getting back to the old ways of discommoding myself. I should have never expected so much from today's visit. It may sound dramatic but it is heartbreaking. Once I start to feel so, the multiplier effect takes centre-stage and every event would appear to be condescending. It may be unprecendented, but even a disc is not able to lift my diluted spirits.

As Radish rightly pointed out, there will be a stage of dedicated detachment and it is all about knowing the coordinates of the end points along with the slope of the fine line, which must be drawn to differentiate the unwanted from the needed.

Am hearing a lot of Gulal and Mohammad Rafi among others. Piyush Mishra rocks with O re Duniya and Aarambh. I look for energetic vibes within tracks and these two are bewilderingly packed with motivational verses.

Yeh Duniya agar Mil bhi Jaaye, tho KYA hain?

Thank you SS

You sent an extremely touching message today.

I was thinking about it while stirring the sugar in my milk in office today. Here comes my retort - " Sometimes we struggle through the bland coffee to the last dip, ONLY to discover sugar crystals prevaricating at the bottom of the cup.

That LIFE for most of us... Sweetened but not Stirred well !!! "

PS : Could have messaged, but I guess you will prefer it this way. I am sure I stir things quite well so that the exhilaration and the vehemence are well adjusted.

My Answers

Its a great feeling to be answering my question in the Kala Bandar post

1. When will I write the third WCS Opinion? - Have come half-way by finishing the mobile advertising part and should have completed the mobile cloud part by now. But the Opinion been ensconced with the same status for the past week. But I will definitely complete it by the end of the week.
   
2. When will I submit the paper for the Innovation conference? - Have submitted the Opinion to the International Journal for Sustainable Strategic Management : A special issue on Innovation
   
3. When will I start quant? - Have started with Data Sufficiency question. The good part is that i scored a 51 in my second attempt
   
4. When will I submit the business opportunity identifications? - Thats one serious actionable. Will have to complete by the end of month
   
5. When will I be perfectly fine without any glitches in health? - This is something I have minimal answers to. ... host of physical and psychological dicates govern the roost

Its time to probe further

When will I fix a date for the exam?
When will i complete the articles on convergence of banking - telecom and increasing role of bandwidth?
When will I lift up my demotivated self ?

What I believe is what I rather not believe..

I dont think I am, I know I am, or rather I believe I am

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been cornered
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry my dear friend... i know you are in trouble and i could decipher your veneration, but Alas some glasses break even before they are moulded.... I am struck and the unusual tactile sensations have given way and I am seemingly incapable of stitching those patches of misery.... but God be with you dost! And your Karma will surely result in better times ahead...

The worst part is that you have an idiot for company who just wants to potray to the world that he is a victim of its windings. You are a definite winner because not only you carry yourself with grace, also because of the fact that you also manage a non-starter

Strengthening the unstrengthened is best anecdotal trait of the impregnable

Delhi 6 - 'Kala Bandar'

What i saw is beyond description... one has to see Delhi-6 to believe that there can be a perfect 5 on 5. Enthralling screenplay was surmounted over captivating background music, seriousness was blended with humour and messages were beguilingly conveyed with analogies.
Apart from the support cast, Abhishek Bachchan seems to have done the albatross by rising from his ashes, which till date symbolized his pathetic performances. The movie effectuated thoughts back into my schooldays when I used to frequent Chandni Chowk, the Paranthe waali gali and sometimes the Jama Masjid. Although, the coherence between Delhi and Dilli (the city of Hearted) has been highlighted time and again, but I will agree to the contradicting potrayal in Delhi-6. Suhel bears testimony to some of the depictions as his name had the Muslim scent to it and the way he saw the best/worlds of both worlds is wonderful/lamentable.

Delhi- Is it the city where I learnt to abuse, the city where I experienced my first brawl in the pub, the city where I punched a cop and ran for my life or is it the a panoramic facilitator of my identity.
Is it the city where I learned to dance, to play , to lead or is it the city that emanates whenever one my heart. I will never lose the visuals of those lanes and bylanes, those pubs and discs, those schools and colleges, those gardens and playgrounds. It is the city where i experienced affection, consideration and most importantly love. I may have experienced islands of jealousy and envy but it is miniscule when compared to what I witnessed outside Delhi.
At this point, I am reminded of two incidents:

• The flick for a six over point as the ball made contact with the curved portion of the bat. I could not believe I played such a shot. The next ball went over point again for another six. And the very next ball, I recieved the worst of the blows on my head. It was not the ball but the bowler who was livid for conceding the match. What followed will be better if encrypted but the involvement of Inspector Jain was funny.
• The day when I held your hand and said I Like U. It took me ten days of intense preparation. Thats how much is required when you break the ice for the first time in life. I wish I could experience the same insecurity and nervousness for one more time but I am sure, though not overconfident, that there are subtle tricks of the trade which will surface even if my try my best to curb them.

There is no generic needle for all stitches in life and I realised this well before time due to what happened in IIT lawns and what transpired between Svetlana and Mayank was another revelation on how life could be. To surmise, I consider myself extremely fortunate to have grown up in metro like Delhi. Apart from the glamour, it widened my discerning ability which gives me those nanoseconds to capitalise upon.

Back to work, first WCS Opinion is released the feedback I have recieved is very encouraged. 'Tele-king', 'Alignment-king' and 'Positioning Professor' are some of the amazing titles I have been conferred on. The second one is almost complete and the last review with Suhel was enkindling. GMAT preparation has started to gain steam and I wish to complete the exam latest by mid-April. The first score of 690 is a decent one to start with. Some questions that I am asking myself these days:

1. When will I write the third WCS Opinion?
2. When will I submit the paper for the Innovation conference?
3. When will I start quant?
4. When will I submit the business opportunity identifications?
5. When will I be perfectly fine without any glitches in health?

It is extremely sad to read these questions as it seems that I have deep-dived into my professional life. Where are these questions relating to discs, dates, visits to orphanages/old age homes that I used to ask and answer with relevant actions. I give myself another two months to come out of this quagmire. I guess I will be able to make it.

Adios

My Shortest Post....

Three hurdles in GMAT verbal

1. Reading Comprehension
2. Sentence Correction
3. Logical Reasoning

And three words to end this forbearance

1. Get
2. Set
3. GO.......

Unending .... turbulations

Am back to my old ways of venting my frustrations in this virtual piece of existence. A lot of thoughts seem to ravel my existence. I am also having problems with regards to multiplexing of actions and events. Add to this my deteriorating health, and thats what you call the icing on the muck (i wish i could instead write cake).

Notwithstanding, i have always prided myself as someone who has come out all the more stronger, with salient eruditions for company. I guess i am struggling to accentuate the same this time around but then confidence has been the forte. (My Dad always says that Language and Confidence is one's forte. It is only now that i comprehend and second his notion in totality). So let me strengthen my emplacement and instigate the locomotion. 'Nimma Benagaluru' has been the most assertive facilitation i have received till date. And it is high time, i aspire to effectuate my new year resolution... Some concrete strategies and subsequent litigations are required in order to sail through in a politically correct manner.

Some things never change...and i find myself in the same position yet again... as a person who is both looked upto and envied.... and being in the professional space... i can seldom relax or ignore these initial rifts. The cage has got wider and the animals are far from being instinctive. They have been trained in their respective colleges to rip apart the competition and slice and dice the meat (data mining has played its part over here); the caveat being, this is to be done without harming the tethered spirit better known as the 'organisational spirit'. But then i have my past experience as the most aggrandizing vantage. It needs to be a judicous balance between a frown within and a smile on the exterior or vice versa.

Thanks for the Tommy Hilfiger buddies... for a change, I will get to sport a branded watch without an innate motive of impressing. And i can highly indebted towards the bluetooth headsets, flowers, the cake and most importantly the 'green apples'.

Abundant positive vibes are interspersed by negative cocoons.... and this is where you will find the majority of human minds. Hatred, jealousy, false commitments, envy and others in the league are cluttered in these small funnels of negativity. No wonder, the 3G auction is delayed for good.... because everything only stands to increase as the most personal medium ' the mobile phone' will take centre-stage henceforth. And who will discount the power of social networking.

And i will thank the almighty for alleviating my 'egoistic desire' of clearing the CAT. Calls from IIMs L, I and K have proved my credentials to my alter ego. The poignant incongruity is that my 'As-Is' state is better off and I may not join any of these institutes. The law of 'Opportunity costs' has immensely aided in convincing my near and dear one.

Passing Days worth a Stopping....

I think most of us here will allude to the fact that WE are having the best times of our life !!!
For a change, there are not many contentions and the Likert scale will show a reading of greater than 6 (out of 10) for each plot of the 'pair-wise' compatibility. Another impregnable macrocosm out here is that our traits seem to complement each other in the most sublime fashion. We are packed with consideration, humour, sensitivity, belongingness, prudence, aesthetics and benvolence to name a very FEW of the existing vibes.

No wonder, the last week has been phenomenal and i can proudly say that IT ALL STARTED WITH MY BIRTHDAY!!! Life has been very kind since..... I have bandied myself on occassions regarding my stoicism and it has been a unanimous shift to the pole of credence, every single time. Alas! I manage to break the myth for my own salutation. Stoicism may not be one of my eternal strenghts anymore. I will surely feel the pinch whenever one of US parts ways. As they say 'ephemerality propels change....'

On the professional front, not may request coming these days, but, my ruminations on the second PoV have shaped well and they have been appositely validated by the reviewers. The only frustration is pertaining to the release of the first PoV. I think i should be ready to the last detail and only then will it bechance (Isimply adore this word). There is lots more to strategise....its the appraisal discussion which is a necessity for further concordance.

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him, his own"

Conundrum Solved

"Am back with a vengeance !! Of course its super-normal... but i guess this a perennial conundrum for me...."
Someone asked me that how did i manage to motivate myself for all the 5 years in coll and beyond. My answer was the line quoted in italics....and the lady was flabbergasted. She obviously expected some enceinte words of wisdom but i guess the retort caught her unawares. With the retort, went my one and only chance to cast the enchanting spell on her.... something i have meticulously exemplified over the past. The incident initiated a chain of memories in retrospection, i narrowed down to two dictates

• The criticism you receive is the variable which determines your exponential growth
• Simplicity and not honesty; gives me most satisfaction

The motivation levels and the passion driving individual behaviours change with time and the previous month has enforced a plethora of alterations in my conduct. Most importantly, i have received a convincing answer from Dhawal which makes life easier for me. I now fully comprehend, the fact that I was controversial due to my stand against all odds.

As someone rightly said - " Sanju! you manage to cast an indelible impression, but then people start looking upto you ... they get impressed by your qualities ... but seldom end up liking your individuality" So NEAR... yet so FAR !!!

Immanence versus Transcendence

Objectivising the subjectivities is one major challenge subsisting in the ecosystem called ‘life’. We have numerous ideas, opinions, sentiments which are marked by perspicuity and vagary. We often talk about injecting value and efficiency within various functions in life. We try and play voguish in our endeavour to project ourselves as the ‘one critical creation’ whose hallmark is prudence and austerity. The ironical part in the last statement is the contradiction showcased by a vogue and an austere.

The world is exhibiting its growing inacceptance towards exaggerated words of promise and wisdom. What is increasingly being sought is ‘quantification of the intangibles’. This makes much more sense considering the fact that we have orbited to a juncture where sheer numbers characterise future projections instead of an intangible roadmap. Strategy is increasingly jelled with execution and there is a callous indifference towards the non-performers. This is what you call ‘brutality’ and the current financial turmoil will instigate a new paradigm where articulations will necessarily need to be coherent with mensuration.

I feel this is the right time for me to inculcate an orientation which will reinforce my positioning in the new world order. Some of the pivotal learning areas will be apposite usage of vocabulary, enhancement of networking skills, amelioration of time management & writing skills and diminution of rigid expectations. Abstractions apart, I need to expedite the Point of View on Value Added Services and contrive a set of incremental strategies so that I give the exam when I am at my peak. It is time to walk the talk.

‘CAPTIAL MARKETS WITHOUT LOSSES IS LIKE CHRISTIANITY WITHOUT HELL’ – Warren Buffet

The CHANGE which seems Elusive

No matter how much i relent, my back is certainly to the wall. The only good thing here is that things can only move forward from here.... the advance needs to be well thought-out though.

Its been quite some time and i have been vexed by a lot of comments from my coterie. I must confess that it is all in good spirits and senses of the world. However, it is my strong feeling that one's advice or counsel to the other should be more empathy oriented and not on the basis of self potency. Swati has this charming way of coming out of ignominious situations and stay cheerful eternally, but her advice to me to refurbish the excitement and exuberance of the past is simply not palatable at this point of time. Pankaj may have one of the most 'lechatelierite like' aim in life, but he cannot expect me to house similar clarities. Vivek has a wonderfu appetite for risk-taking, but i am incompetent to buy his suggested methodology in order to come out of my present struggle. Ruchika may have a penchant and dominance towards clearing actuarial exams but her counsel and judgement about me not doing enough for CAT is not concilliable.

I do not mean that your words may mean any condescension or disdain.... but my point lies in the fact that i have my own set of strengths and the current challenges are not my cup of tea. I am ready to struggle and rigour my way but not at the cost of my fervor. For instance, give me a topic and seek a presentation or a GD, i will surely not disappoint you... but expecting me to be cheerful or competent or risk-centrical or visionary may be too much of an asking considering the plethora of other qualities that can be sought.

I think the present stage demands stoicism and nonchalance and i may have my task cut out over the next six months.

PS: I know none of you will reply to this, but we can definitely take it up over the call.

The 'END' marks a new 'BEGINNING'

My dad finally retires and addresses adios to the organisation which consecrated his identity to him..... something which i have used often to veil my 'mistakes'. Its the end of an era for my Dad who symbolised a 'judicious mix of honesty, integrity, discipline and vibrancy' to me. His answer to my question of what he does in office still reverberate in my ears. I was in class 3 then, and he told me that he reads newspapers in office. And i felt ashamed to reveal it to my friends then. Its something which i still cannot reveal in public domain....... reasons may be personal, may also be secretive to an extent.

Never in my past, have i heard my dad criticise the Govt. He opined that contextualizing a system meant to usurp the worriments of a populous nation is no mean task and it called for compromises and alterations at various levels of granularity. No matter how much we criticise the Government of India, emergence and sustenance of a system as behemoth as this is commendable. We have innumerable trepidations regarding the functioning and future of our machinery and we often stretch ourselves in pillorying this structure. The only shining billets for us in this dark lantern of magnanimous proportions are our parents who have reaped the benefits of complying with this system and nurtured us with essential wherewithal.Privatisation has infused best-practices and benchmarks but they do not take anything away from the goverrnment which fructified development when the country belonged to 'God men and Snake charmers'.

No wonder why we get so may request regarding benchmarks and best practices in GRCC.

ALL THE VERY BEST DAD.... I KNOW THE ONUS IS ON SATHYAN AND I TO TAKE IT FORWARD FROM HERE..... WE'LL DO OUR BEST!!!