Three years in IIITM, have been a judicious mix of the occasional invigorating experiences juxtaposed with the perennial ignominies (unfortunate developments---- is my implication).
I infer that, the state outside the watch over walls of our saccharine dwellings is arduous, to be very polite. As a teenager, I always dreamt of spending time in isolation, as it aroused a prodigious sense of adventure within me, where I would be free to tread the mill of my existence within the realm of my sole perceptions. The very contemplation of pursuing education with hostel accommodation sent shrills down my vertebrae.
Looking back, I cannot help but smile at my inanity, a smile that conceals thedisenchantment with regards to my innate dream of the past.
With deep regret I confess to have fallen prey to the ‘TRAPS’ of life- the EMOTIONAL TRAPS to be precise and, concise at the same. It sometimes gets so TOXIC that I feel like making a insipid dash towards oblivion.
Over the last year, I instilled within me a healthy conscience as result of regular prayers,
pleasant thinking and convincing actions which exhorted me towards the incomparable source of bliss in a dignified manner….. but probably as nature has it etched in its directives that -
-- ALL VIRTUOUS TRAITS COME WITH A BUBBLE REPUTATION
the moment you make the slightest contact, the bubble ruptures leaving behind a soul which can do nothing but be remorseful, wishing ardently … if apologies could set right the unfortunate mistakes…. ALAS.
I made the mistaking of overriding the budding superciliousness (arrogance, egoism, etc etc to name a few..) within me, by unconsciously attributing myself to the various peaks in the context of fame and success.
Now at this juncture, I find myself weak and impatient (ONCE AGAIN…) …… knowing fully well what I am doing wrong ….. somehow, am able to do nothing about it. I feel proud to think of the days when I achieved my purpose with dedication and perseverance without worrying of the insurmountable odds that existed then. Today when I am much safer (with very few odds against me)….. I feel cowardice, failure in being perseverant and constant unwanted apprehensions are mocking me at my face…..
Perhaps I would have been better off at home with mom n dad around, who would sense my solitude, make me do the inevitable prayers (reference: Carrot and Stick Policy), counsel me and advise me with examples within and outside my family. My brother and bhabhi would have enlivened my world with their terrific situational humour (I have a pathetic sense of humour, though I am perceived by others as having prohibitive wits).
I’ll again go back into the shell for the time being, regain the composure, the tenacity, the vigour, the zeal moreover the temperament to be emotionally stable.
I have no words to express the contentment I have experienced in writing my long enduring thoughts. Please don’t brand me as an pessimist after going through this blog, its just my experiment to change the direction of the high-rise tide in my life, at present. Sincerely hoping for success in this endeavour.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
two posts in a day
sure you r gettin a hang of things
one thing i would liek to tell u
this place is a punching bag
that is why i came here
i couldnt express myself n neither was there anyone who could understand it
so this place provided me the perfect oppurtunity to give vent to my feelings n be me-- the me that is sometimes lost in this world
n why care what people brand you
just be your true self n express your heart out here on this blog
happy blogging
sincerely wishing for ur success...
nice post...keep writing...
What you wrote are your insecurities. And it is not a weakness to have insecurities; even the great gods have them.
"ALL VIRTUOUS TRAITS COME WITH A BUBBLE REPUTATION"
Maybe it have a finely shredded grain of truth in it.
YOu are not pessimistic, neither are you in lack of perseverance. You have them in you. Ordain it and you will get it. For a thing that is inherently you will be manifested when the right invocation comes.
May you walk upon the path of the Light always.
And oh! You do have a pathetic sense of humour; like all humans. I will never understand it.
Hope to see you more in thes realm of the blogs.
don't u worry about ur brand, u already are a brand to reckon with.
and yes i just remembered what u said to me today morning, about the
timing and the effect that this blog had on certain "person(s)", i would say
that anyone in that situation would have thought the same.
we all need to evolve as a person.even a non-living object, like ship, cannot be tested until it is made to sail through rough waters.so how can u imagine that u can walk away with all goody goody experiences in life.staying @ home could not have helped u in the way u have been affected by your own experiences here in IIITM.i can boast of being among the people who understand the changed person u r now, after spending about 2.5 yrs of ur life here...
life always has things in store for us for future..life as a college student is incomparable with our life in school.what u wrote about ur dreams was a part of ur childhood fantasies.it was not insanity..n wil never be...
wen u came here, u were atleat successful in turning ur dream into a reality,i.e. of staying in a hostel,independent n free.it might not have turned into a marvelous experience..but there is no need to feel negative about it
life doesnt lay any 'traps'(the way u phrase it).it is a preacher who has its own ways of teaching us the difference between reality n fantasy when the right time comes, so y worry about it now.don’t stop dreaming(here i mean setting goals for urself)
a soul is much powerful than u think because it is directly linked with the supreme power above.it wil overcome all ur wrongs n lead u to a moral path,no matter how many ‘bubbles rupture’ in the meantime
hey,u are not weak..it requires great strength to accept and understand ones follies.n there is nothing to be impatient about it.everything takes it own time to fall in place.ur dedication n perseverance have started coming bk again..believe me!n mistakes are bound to happen,only they should never be repeated
our parents have provided us with a firm base..it is upto us to build on it the castle of ‘their’ dreams..they wil alwaz be there to support.but now,its a time in our lives when v ‘need’ to be independent,away from their ‘chatr chaya’
people wil brand u in any way they want..being remorseful is not being pessimistic.everyone has good and not-so-good days in his life.but one bad thought gives way to numerous others.so u have to stop that budding little thought that u most often seem to be going into..
ur alwaz welcome to express ur thoughts in any way u feel content.
Hey,just have a look at the world,see its smiling at u..wont u smile back??
Post a Comment