Finally got placed… One seems to wait with an indefinite impatience for this day of one’s life @ college \ institute. I have this surge of conviction flowing through my stratums all over again. Contrary to this, the feeling sank in no time, the result did come sweet but it was not without its share of blemishes. I just could not get a hang of how things were cropping in the period interspersing my first round and HR interview. I did get the HR thinking though !!!!! All the drums of African safari about ethics being an imperative part of their core value proposition seemed to fall like nine pins when she replied to my skepticism.
However, all said and done, I was very happy to find my relatives relishing the news of the still very plump and young Sanjeev (in their memories) casting his first step as a neophyte into the world of corporatism. The second thing which put me off was the ITC imbroglio and I felt that I needed to undertake a seminal effort in helping my mates getting placed. Satyam did make things easier to an extent, but still, with some guys remaining, celebration continues to deceive.
Now, I should start preparing myself for the artistic test of giving the mocks as it is not only subject expertise which counts. Not much to write for now, but definitely sullen times and gloomy disguises need to put to the shore, and lots of learning , pondering and strategizing needs to be done.
Cheers………………
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
BeToKeNeD__bILLetS
Long time… No see…..
Just to explicate in brief….
I have been undergoing my summer Internship at Pre-Sales Team, Documentum, ECM 1 Practice, Satyam Computer Services Limited, Chennai.
I have been very conspicuous of my absence in office. I am kind of welcomed with sardonic smiles every single time I move over to my seat besides Harsh sir and Vipul sir. The Pre Sales team is the only riddance when it comes to an invigorating work place. The remnants within the campus have that lackluster guise which can get onto one’s patience. However, in whatever minimal time I swank spent in office, it has been a mixed breed of tenacious works and buoyant breaks. However, I think I have assimilated enough to impose a swank bio-data. The training in Documentum and the Proof of Concept aligning the needs of the Publishing Domain with the Marklogic Content Server seem to be the only value addition. The analysis and design of the Reusable Templates have been derisory. Nonetheless, they find a place in my CV as I believe that I can mildew or mask the unadulterated work to an appreciable level of granularity.
Its only final presentation that beckons and I find myself folding the pages of my internship.
A few days later……………..
However, these three months have been more of a period of austerity. I have been closely observing the key tenets of professional life. In the end after feeling my completion certificate, I retort with all the abuses I know….. all the Hindi ones (been long since I used one), all the Tamil ones and the English ones came flowing too…. Following suit
Am not being complacent, but it is an innate disposition NOW, that I stand a good chance to perform but then, what about the perforce scratch your back strategists??? Darwin should try and reassess his theory. In the world of IT, it’s the one who is the best when it comes to scratching, who survives, certainly not the FiTtesT.
Now describing the parallel world of coquettes…..
Saw her only to believe that ……… at first sight is a certainty. I have been associated with all types of gimcracks, but its ironical how the shock of my life came in this desert city of Chennai (don’t see pink much… except on Hutch billboards). No !!!!!! I am sure it’s not a mirage.
Still have that air on sanctity surrounding me and will bookmark that moment as one of the few sacrosanct ones. Fingers tremble as I type these words as I am well aware that there may never be such a moment in my life, ever again.
“How can I resist you when I feel SO close to my heart”
Anyways, I come back to my world of stark veracity. Have never been so weak to give myself away and that too on a public domain, but ALAS….I Have not been able to rant for long. Next in the cavalcade is the TCS enigma and finally the mother of all… the common aptitude test. Don’t want to give away this time around as I have always done in entrance examinations in the past. But the failures of the past do continue to haunt me.
As for the internship is concerned, I feel my decision to quit Fuhzen and stay back in the country has been one of my best EveR. Today I feel I am more richer, than what I could have been had I accepted that $1600 covenant.
Even if I am to map it with the tangibility of dollars, a 1000$ training in Documentum, all for free, courtesy Satyam has been the announcement. Add to this, the priceless stay @ HOME with mom and Anirudh is luxury personified. The visit we paid to the numerous relatives during the past two months have supercharged my social habituation. Today I palpate myself only to find myself devoid of the various negativities which one inculcates when, away from home.
Karnataka, AP, Kerala, Sri Lanka, Cambodia have all been great…!!!
I am feeling the cutaneous senses ….. surpassing even the price-less moments which Master Card propagates.
God Bless One and All (Conclusions voiced by my rejuvenated spiritual quotient.)
Just to explicate in brief….
I have been undergoing my summer Internship at Pre-Sales Team, Documentum, ECM 1 Practice, Satyam Computer Services Limited, Chennai.
I have been very conspicuous of my absence in office. I am kind of welcomed with sardonic smiles every single time I move over to my seat besides Harsh sir and Vipul sir. The Pre Sales team is the only riddance when it comes to an invigorating work place. The remnants within the campus have that lackluster guise which can get onto one’s patience. However, in whatever minimal time I swank spent in office, it has been a mixed breed of tenacious works and buoyant breaks. However, I think I have assimilated enough to impose a swank bio-data. The training in Documentum and the Proof of Concept aligning the needs of the Publishing Domain with the Marklogic Content Server seem to be the only value addition. The analysis and design of the Reusable Templates have been derisory. Nonetheless, they find a place in my CV as I believe that I can mildew or mask the unadulterated work to an appreciable level of granularity.
Its only final presentation that beckons and I find myself folding the pages of my internship.
A few days later……………..
However, these three months have been more of a period of austerity. I have been closely observing the key tenets of professional life. In the end after feeling my completion certificate, I retort with all the abuses I know….. all the Hindi ones (been long since I used one), all the Tamil ones and the English ones came flowing too…. Following suit
Am not being complacent, but it is an innate disposition NOW, that I stand a good chance to perform but then, what about the perforce scratch your back strategists??? Darwin should try and reassess his theory. In the world of IT, it’s the one who is the best when it comes to scratching, who survives, certainly not the FiTtesT.
Now describing the parallel world of coquettes…..
Saw her only to believe that ……… at first sight is a certainty. I have been associated with all types of gimcracks, but its ironical how the shock of my life came in this desert city of Chennai (don’t see pink much… except on Hutch billboards). No !!!!!! I am sure it’s not a mirage.
Still have that air on sanctity surrounding me and will bookmark that moment as one of the few sacrosanct ones. Fingers tremble as I type these words as I am well aware that there may never be such a moment in my life, ever again.
“How can I resist you when I feel SO close to my heart”
Anyways, I come back to my world of stark veracity. Have never been so weak to give myself away and that too on a public domain, but ALAS….I Have not been able to rant for long. Next in the cavalcade is the TCS enigma and finally the mother of all… the common aptitude test. Don’t want to give away this time around as I have always done in entrance examinations in the past. But the failures of the past do continue to haunt me.
As for the internship is concerned, I feel my decision to quit Fuhzen and stay back in the country has been one of my best EveR. Today I feel I am more richer, than what I could have been had I accepted that $1600 covenant.
Even if I am to map it with the tangibility of dollars, a 1000$ training in Documentum, all for free, courtesy Satyam has been the announcement. Add to this, the priceless stay @ HOME with mom and Anirudh is luxury personified. The visit we paid to the numerous relatives during the past two months have supercharged my social habituation. Today I palpate myself only to find myself devoid of the various negativities which one inculcates when, away from home.
Karnataka, AP, Kerala, Sri Lanka, Cambodia have all been great…!!!
I am feeling the cutaneous senses ….. surpassing even the price-less moments which Master Card propagates.
God Bless One and All (Conclusions voiced by my rejuvenated spiritual quotient.)
Friday, October 27, 2006
What cannot be cured must be endured
Find myself afflicted on several counts...... its always that i write these grieving verses.... the grappling health problems have been toxic to say the least.
Delhi is battling with dengue, chickungunya and several viruses which haven't been nomenclatured yet, and when i got sick at home, i was made to shudder several ounces of blood, and all the test were negative, thankfully. Then what is the 'pons asinorum '????? I used a really heavy word there...... the meaning makes an interesting reading and comprehension..... sounds Latin to me if the origin is concerned.
Coming back, its a disconsolate remark that the college here had has reached its plateau and on its way towards the downward decline..... if the Gartner Hype Cycles are consulted for an effective judgement on the same !!!!
There is this girl who drives me crazy every now and then, all my earnest efforts in vain---- and i find myself penning down something which has been way too personal for the past seven years, perhaps thats the magnitude of affliciton and hence the visible dereliction.
And my poise and nonchalance have been tested of late..... the doc has made me wary of several aspects, I sense a repercussion very soon!!! Whatever???
I derive solace form the line "What cannot be cured must be endured" - the propagandas, diatribes (learnt this word in CL), the insinuations, the maskings and the coyness. I fail to define my role at this juncture in college, something which i had been very confident about in the past. Its this indecision which leaves me in obstinate conundrum and i am taking time off, time off from every surrounding event...... giving myself the relevant required time.
The pit falls have been experienced very early, some have been self-dug..... but i plan to pipeline my renewed vigour over these cognitives.
Enjoying a wretched MBA out here---- and how can one keep himself perenially motivated??? and that too for a period of five years.....
Happy Belated Diwali to one and all !!!!!
Delhi is battling with dengue, chickungunya and several viruses which haven't been nomenclatured yet, and when i got sick at home, i was made to shudder several ounces of blood, and all the test were negative, thankfully. Then what is the 'pons asinorum '????? I used a really heavy word there...... the meaning makes an interesting reading and comprehension..... sounds Latin to me if the origin is concerned.
Coming back, its a disconsolate remark that the college here had has reached its plateau and on its way towards the downward decline..... if the Gartner Hype Cycles are consulted for an effective judgement on the same !!!!
There is this girl who drives me crazy every now and then, all my earnest efforts in vain---- and i find myself penning down something which has been way too personal for the past seven years, perhaps thats the magnitude of affliciton and hence the visible dereliction.
And my poise and nonchalance have been tested of late..... the doc has made me wary of several aspects, I sense a repercussion very soon!!! Whatever???
I derive solace form the line "What cannot be cured must be endured" - the propagandas, diatribes (learnt this word in CL), the insinuations, the maskings and the coyness. I fail to define my role at this juncture in college, something which i had been very confident about in the past. Its this indecision which leaves me in obstinate conundrum and i am taking time off, time off from every surrounding event...... giving myself the relevant required time.
The pit falls have been experienced very early, some have been self-dug..... but i plan to pipeline my renewed vigour over these cognitives.
Enjoying a wretched MBA out here---- and how can one keep himself perenially motivated??? and that too for a period of five years.....
Happy Belated Diwali to one and all !!!!!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Whats the point ????
What the fu***ng point???? I seem to enquire myself on every deed of mine.
A lot seems to have transgressed in the past….. but the walk down the power corridor has finally reaped….. though for a very small stretch, I finally brand myself as one who has been through the thick and thin of the most toxic situation ever in my life.
I sought support sometimes, sometimes I sought isolation--- but I seemed to acquire none. Indeed life had tested me with a very serious hair pin bend, whats more the spirituality quotient seemed to quiver and I was left with mammoth frustrations and bare minimum incisions. What I carry outside the bend is immunity towards snares.
The minors have lost their relevance in my dictionary. My admiration list seems to have a surprise entry in DP, never expected this guy to rise….. his intricate disposition is still a reservation for me… but the way he has networked himself is commendable. I pity the ones who reveal their jealousy in blasphemous ways. One should try and renovate one’s own USP rather than tampering others……. That’s where people seem to lag behind in the race.
Career Laucher has given me direction towards an elusive target, hope to continue and make the best out of the deal. The nitty-gritty’s have been given the first gear which I seem to cross right at the onset these days. The ego, the anger, the sloth, the lust, the jealousy, the greed, the ……. naaaaaaaaaaaahhHHHH !!!!
The nascent years of an emerging powerhouse have seemed to commence
chao and cheers to renewed vigour.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
The power of SILENCE.....
Silence is golden, perhaps much more than that……
The only problem I have in being silent is that I haven’t been bestowed with an intricate disposition towards being silent. But in the recent past, I tend to ‘brood’ with a sullen guise, the ‘guise’ which sometimes makes me seem synonymous to Hitler brooding over the
My room serves as the lounge for my ruminations, high up in the third floor overlooking the scenic table mountains of Gwalior, the day is not far when I’ll brood standing over the mountain and the intensity then is going to be much more passionate.
Not much days left towards the end of my walk (down the power corridor), it really shook up the debauched, and will shake many more to come. Life is all about setting targets and I seem to be moving ahead in this regard with oozing confidence. The spirituality quotient is in doldrums for the first time in the last two years, never had a break this long although it’s only a few days if recounted on paper. The intimates who seem to typecast my gloom need to be cajoled, but I am just not in the right rhythm in this regard, am waiting for my walk to produce the real ‘fruit’.
READ Icon by Fredrick Forsyth, another tussle between the CIA and the KGB, how the author managed to potray KGB in such poor light remains a quandary only which he can throw light upon. But all in all, a wonderful novel about how a Russian leader shielded his fascist beliefs behind his liberal worlds of glory of the motherland and renunciation of unwanted power. And the systematic and logical training methodology of the british intelligence received its fair share of admiration. Got a good insight about the intricacies involved in crucial intelligence operations. Really fear going to
The Raid at
To be or not to be……………….. chao
Monday, July 17, 2006
Hona hain tujhme ... FANNA........
Hmm… it’s a superlative fight within, I must say I cannot cater to the qualms of all but certainly my closet deserves a better treatment, however, how does one justify the ever competitive, ever grudge inducing, ever propelling perceptions????
Brand me as an ambassador one day, as a pauper the next…. !!!!!
Whatever you do, I’ll be by your side, you wish otherwise …. Lest.
The world seems to ask me about my walk through the power corridor, this inquisitive seems disturbing to me at times … !!! Won’t like to give myself away on any pretext, though its compelling within. But definitely, the more you try to stay surreptitious, the more drawn out becomes your identity.
Some presumptuous movement is definitely there, but again the whopping obstacle stays affirm, I’ve to act out of my wits, cannot let the canard carry on , can I???
PL and MnS assignments seem to hog the notoriety for me these days, do not want to internal motivation and wish to adhere to the deadlines….. WISH !!!! its nostalgic to resurface contact with my old conjoins--- Charu, Juhi, Rachita, Robin, Bharat, Gaurav, Chetali, Pankaj …………. I miss those utterances which had the blend of maturity and vivaciousness to them. Those interactions have really taken me this far avoiding the recalcitrant state of affairs (which could have been surreal addition to my woes).
Waiting for the day when I can pen down my arrogance without any blemish.
chao
Brand me as an ambassador one day, as a pauper the next…. !!!!!
Whatever you do, I’ll be by your side, you wish otherwise …. Lest.
The world seems to ask me about my walk through the power corridor, this inquisitive seems disturbing to me at times … !!! Won’t like to give myself away on any pretext, though its compelling within. But definitely, the more you try to stay surreptitious, the more drawn out becomes your identity.
Some presumptuous movement is definitely there, but again the whopping obstacle stays affirm, I’ve to act out of my wits, cannot let the canard carry on , can I???
PL and MnS assignments seem to hog the notoriety for me these days, do not want to internal motivation and wish to adhere to the deadlines….. WISH !!!! its nostalgic to resurface contact with my old conjoins--- Charu, Juhi, Rachita, Robin, Bharat, Gaurav, Chetali, Pankaj …………. I miss those utterances which had the blend of maturity and vivaciousness to them. Those interactions have really taken me this far avoiding the recalcitrant state of affairs (which could have been surreal addition to my woes).
Waiting for the day when I can pen down my arrogance without any blemish.
chao
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Envy vs Jealousy
Its been quite some time since I find myself mellowed down … with varying magnitudes at an assortment of junctures, the rationale being my quest to understand the intricacies of the human edge.
The various pedigrees seem to justify their recital and strokes, they play their roles in the skirmish with varying impetus. The cause for unision seems to be more out of jealousy than envy…. since jealousy will propel u to try and scratch the other’s back rather than straightening yours. Envy seems to arouse a healthy competition which fabricates one’s paramount features.
My walk through the power corridoor seems to make me arrogant to the core …(nice rhyme) , I must confess to it even though I have no rhyme or reason…. no capability either, but it’s a stimulating dispute within. Things seem to ease out exponentially when I have a retort to offer to my beloved anonymous, and that too a brute one… and there is no respite in this regard. I am Really thankful to the man who has instilled so many qualities within me ….. had I been party to these kind of pressure tactics right from infancy, it would have been a different ball game by now.
Pretty sad that Shrivastava sir is being made to leave this institute in such circumstances, wish everything falls back in place for him …. as he wished for !!!! I consider it an honour that he remembered me and dispensed those words for me….. they stand to encourage me for a long time from now.
But these bastards are hell bent on screwing up this place, have witnessed some unforgettable episodes of late… they have been very toxic!!!!
I have learnt to swim against the tide though not with proficiency, but this marks a new beginning within me, a benign one. And I have started admiring people around for the wealth of genius they seem to conceal within their skin, and in the same monotonous tone have I started to despise the fictitious glances which never appear to flee my vision.
And i could sense your affection when i ate the mangoes........... mummy !!!
The various pedigrees seem to justify their recital and strokes, they play their roles in the skirmish with varying impetus. The cause for unision seems to be more out of jealousy than envy…. since jealousy will propel u to try and scratch the other’s back rather than straightening yours. Envy seems to arouse a healthy competition which fabricates one’s paramount features.
My walk through the power corridoor seems to make me arrogant to the core …(nice rhyme) , I must confess to it even though I have no rhyme or reason…. no capability either, but it’s a stimulating dispute within. Things seem to ease out exponentially when I have a retort to offer to my beloved anonymous, and that too a brute one… and there is no respite in this regard. I am Really thankful to the man who has instilled so many qualities within me ….. had I been party to these kind of pressure tactics right from infancy, it would have been a different ball game by now.
Pretty sad that Shrivastava sir is being made to leave this institute in such circumstances, wish everything falls back in place for him …. as he wished for !!!! I consider it an honour that he remembered me and dispensed those words for me….. they stand to encourage me for a long time from now.
But these bastards are hell bent on screwing up this place, have witnessed some unforgettable episodes of late… they have been very toxic!!!!
I have learnt to swim against the tide though not with proficiency, but this marks a new beginning within me, a benign one. And I have started admiring people around for the wealth of genius they seem to conceal within their skin, and in the same monotonous tone have I started to despise the fictitious glances which never appear to flee my vision.
And i could sense your affection when i ate the mangoes........... mummy !!!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Passing days
"Family is more important than the state"------
"The one who is most envied is the one who has no envy"-----
Quite contrasting statements, but have a profound impact on me these days...... Manish told me about Ain Rand's Fountainhead... i have to read this novel someday..... its as if some kind of an insufflate has been subjected over me.
Well, an act of insolence was rectified by me ..... and finally the far-fetching finance was kicked out of the stadium by me and my mate...........
n WORLD CUP 2006.... WOW!!!!!! i'll brand myself as an ardent fan of Czech Republic.....
Milan Baros and Jan Koller take the startup..... the towering Koller supporting Baros and a deadly combo in the offing.Stupendous play makers in the form of Nedved, Poborsky and Rosicky(his double strike will arouse a sense of excitement within each Liverpool fan.... But they might be praying that he unwinds his magic not against England). The defence is certainly a thing to ponder about.... but its not all that contrite either.
The BTech project seems to treading the right path.... its now time for implementation of the algos on any sector.... and coming out with a business decision will be the real test. Am in a fix wether the health sector or retail sector will be the better proposition. The papers on telecommunication seems to have had an auspicious beginning .... lets check out ..... what Dhruv does with insurance.
Am excited about meeting Anirudh (my nephew) when he comes over to delhi in a short while.... a snobbish boy barely 4 months old.... but already smiling and crying in pipelines....GOD bless you Ani
"The one who is most envied is the one who has no envy"-----
Quite contrasting statements, but have a profound impact on me these days...... Manish told me about Ain Rand's Fountainhead... i have to read this novel someday..... its as if some kind of an insufflate has been subjected over me.
Well, an act of insolence was rectified by me ..... and finally the far-fetching finance was kicked out of the stadium by me and my mate...........
n WORLD CUP 2006.... WOW!!!!!! i'll brand myself as an ardent fan of Czech Republic.....
Milan Baros and Jan Koller take the startup..... the towering Koller supporting Baros and a deadly combo in the offing.Stupendous play makers in the form of Nedved, Poborsky and Rosicky(his double strike will arouse a sense of excitement within each Liverpool fan.... But they might be praying that he unwinds his magic not against England). The defence is certainly a thing to ponder about.... but its not all that contrite either.
The BTech project seems to treading the right path.... its now time for implementation of the algos on any sector.... and coming out with a business decision will be the real test. Am in a fix wether the health sector or retail sector will be the better proposition. The papers on telecommunication seems to have had an auspicious beginning .... lets check out ..... what Dhruv does with insurance.
Am excited about meeting Anirudh (my nephew) when he comes over to delhi in a short while.... a snobbish boy barely 4 months old.... but already smiling and crying in pipelines....GOD bless you Ani
Sunday, June 04, 2006
The Reservation Conundrum
The nation seems to be at its fore when it comes to disapproving the current bill passes by the honourable Parliament of Inida----- the one stating a 27 per cent reservations for the OBC’s in the elite institutions of India(totaling to 49.5 %). Yesterday’s Express stated that many other autonomous and private institutions are also in the net…….. the HRD minister asserting punitive action against the rebels…. not the masses but the administration of the institutions……..
Hence 'this' is being asserted on the institutions and the country….. what an impediment to the vision of Rev. President’s vision of
Am forlorn in certain aspects though…….. I’d state that the cabinet ministers are supported by a stream of bright IAS’ and other civil servants…… hence the collective decision and the associated adamancy must have a relevant and strong backing. Its very tranquil on our part to criticize the politicians and their vision….. branding them as fools, corrupt, unethical etc etc….. spare a thought to the development the country is facing under them.
NOW read this…… how on earth are you going to visualize the bright students of the nation hailing from less privileged societies and less known colleges/universities — Uttar Pradesh (U.P.), Bihar, Uttaranchal, Rajsthan, Jharkhand and Madhya Pradesh (M.P.) (Data Source : Business World… don’t hold my neck if your state figures out in this !!).
Electricity, health, education, transport, urban planning and rural development sectors are mostly mismanaged and this in need of qualified managers….. will an IIM grad opt for this when he has scores of multinationals pusuing him with exponential pay packages. The ostensible talent of our country will be a boon to a foreign enterprise…. but very rarely the public sector of the country……
Imagine a person with the language-brigde but an astute brain, won’t the above mentioned deficient sectors offer him the best opportunities???? Imagine the development he can initiate since he will be well versed with the ethnocentric aspects arising out of a rural background.
These reservation candidates have limitations in their abilities…(sorry if I am insolent !!) but this imperfection augurs perfectly well for the country … and believe me it will a positive step towards
P.S.-: Now Now!!!! Arjun singh did not pay me any money to write this…. Nor will I go into the public sector if I were an IIM grad…… but I sincerely believe the govt might have a long term plan for India… a genuine one for me……. Wooing the vote banks remains the prime reason though….. am well aware of those bloody bas*****s.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
The GLAD lad
It was Mother's day and i gifted my mom a Nokia 1100 ... it only costs 2200 bucks....... It was Father's day and i presented to my dad the beautiful red checked tie with radiating cuff-links(have i spelt it right).
Its a miniscule compared to what the future beckons in this regards but...... the reason i am thrilled is because these acts mark the initiation.... a surreal one... no doubt. Morover, these were my achievements and i am honoured to share them with my parents.
The tie and the cuff links were a part vast range of men's accessories i won during the Mr. Aurora contest. It would a contentious feeling if i get to see a photograph of my dad sporting them in one of his official tours.
I managed 1600 bucks out of Infotsav'06, bad luck with Avalon and Brouhaha .... but i could have surely done well with Avalon..... Brouhaha was to the best of my efforts. So i was only a partial sponsor, my big bro took care of the rest..... however, its the feeling which matter... right !!!!
Its a miniscule compared to what the future beckons in this regards but...... the reason i am thrilled is because these acts mark the initiation.... a surreal one... no doubt. Morover, these were my achievements and i am honoured to share them with my parents.
The tie and the cuff links were a part vast range of men's accessories i won during the Mr. Aurora contest. It would a contentious feeling if i get to see a photograph of my dad sporting them in one of his official tours.
I managed 1600 bucks out of Infotsav'06, bad luck with Avalon and Brouhaha .... but i could have surely done well with Avalon..... Brouhaha was to the best of my efforts. So i was only a partial sponsor, my big bro took care of the rest..... however, its the feeling which matter... right !!!!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Quarter-life Crisis
Maybe we all r going through this "Being Twenty-Something".
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as "confused" as you, often musing the same things about you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone, scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out....... its upto to you.... derive roses out of thorn beds or make rose petals seem synonymous to thorns... chao...
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as "confused" as you, often musing the same things about you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone, scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out....... its upto to you.... derive roses out of thorn beds or make rose petals seem synonymous to thorns... chao...
Friday, May 05, 2006
Lonely Extrovert
Can extroverts ever find themselves lonely, morose, trampled and recalcitrant.????????
Well personally non-affirmative .... going by the jargons but then, its these unicorns of parallelisms which petrify me towards an affirmation..... probably got way above ur heads..... usually all my intricate thoughts do the same.
Here I am in abv-iiitm campus still undecided when to go home, still undecided over various issues and the trail of indecision does not seem to leave me because the issues in which i'm decided are not being accepted or appreciated by the indecisive entities....... probably another aircraft of a thought.
Am progressing towards a disparate search of a passion which will help me sustain my existence, if not now, then atleast some years hence. A passion which will bring a zero slope to my graph rather than initiating the negative slope which we all contemplate some time in future.
On the academic front, i could finally rope in a topic of my interest in BTP and am overwhelmed at the support of Prof. Rakesh Shrivastava in this endeavour of mine.
Coming back !! What i fear the most is the "propaganda" of several individuals, the unstinted anger of several " minds", the overflowing distances and many more intangible connivances.
Am tired, weak, crippled and seemingly incompetent in tolerating my grievances...... its a disparate search of the "brave" and the "determined" and the "meticulous" which many of my mates have branded me as ..... in the past.
Will be off to delhi soon,,,,, probably need to do some soul- searching, Maslow would give me a tight slap if i claim to reach the last slab in his pyramid-- self actualization.
Still huge strides to be taken..... but for that you need to be a physical existence which i cease to be at times........ only at times mind you !!!!! This chain of venting out your woes and collecting them needs to be broken ....... somehow or the other.////
Well personally non-affirmative .... going by the jargons but then, its these unicorns of parallelisms which petrify me towards an affirmation..... probably got way above ur heads..... usually all my intricate thoughts do the same.
Here I am in abv-iiitm campus still undecided when to go home, still undecided over various issues and the trail of indecision does not seem to leave me because the issues in which i'm decided are not being accepted or appreciated by the indecisive entities....... probably another aircraft of a thought.
Am progressing towards a disparate search of a passion which will help me sustain my existence, if not now, then atleast some years hence. A passion which will bring a zero slope to my graph rather than initiating the negative slope which we all contemplate some time in future.
On the academic front, i could finally rope in a topic of my interest in BTP and am overwhelmed at the support of Prof. Rakesh Shrivastava in this endeavour of mine.
Coming back !! What i fear the most is the "propaganda" of several individuals, the unstinted anger of several " minds", the overflowing distances and many more intangible connivances.
Am tired, weak, crippled and seemingly incompetent in tolerating my grievances...... its a disparate search of the "brave" and the "determined" and the "meticulous" which many of my mates have branded me as ..... in the past.
Will be off to delhi soon,,,,, probably need to do some soul- searching, Maslow would give me a tight slap if i claim to reach the last slab in his pyramid-- self actualization.
Still huge strides to be taken..... but for that you need to be a physical existence which i cease to be at times........ only at times mind you !!!!! This chain of venting out your woes and collecting them needs to be broken ....... somehow or the other.////
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Network Management Security on strike
30 April 2006
There are somethings in life which you remember only in times of crisis or grievances..... this blog world is one of them.... How priorities change with time...... excruciating!!!! I have my Network Management Security major examination tommorow... a five credit subject and here i am typing these words not really sure wether i 'll be able to sustain the two hours of examination tommorow.
This weakness is getting on to me and i know i have a mental heat stroke as well whereby all my neurons have gone on strike (as a part of an legitimate entity "union") which propels me to cast away my patience, my compassion, my tolerance.
ya ... !! i should not tolerate injustice no matter what, and moreso if it has been lingered on. I have been petrified deep within ..... in the past few days some decisions i have taken personify my ignominies.
"Wounds do heal, but the scars remain" which repetitively remind you of your wounds. But in this glorious world, people manage to wipe off their scars....... thanks to anti-stretch mark creams.
I cannot even blink my eyes.... even that is straining like hell... wish i could issue a direct SOS call to almighty. wishing myself the best with tommorow's 5 credit major... i know nothing in it.
goodnight
There are somethings in life which you remember only in times of crisis or grievances..... this blog world is one of them.... How priorities change with time...... excruciating!!!! I have my Network Management Security major examination tommorow... a five credit subject and here i am typing these words not really sure wether i 'll be able to sustain the two hours of examination tommorow.
This weakness is getting on to me and i know i have a mental heat stroke as well whereby all my neurons have gone on strike (as a part of an legitimate entity "union") which propels me to cast away my patience, my compassion, my tolerance.
ya ... !! i should not tolerate injustice no matter what, and moreso if it has been lingered on. I have been petrified deep within ..... in the past few days some decisions i have taken personify my ignominies.
"Wounds do heal, but the scars remain" which repetitively remind you of your wounds. But in this glorious world, people manage to wipe off their scars....... thanks to anti-stretch mark creams.
I cannot even blink my eyes.... even that is straining like hell... wish i could issue a direct SOS call to almighty. wishing myself the best with tommorow's 5 credit major... i know nothing in it.
goodnight
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Not Qualified.......
Well... this is sick... !!! I lost my admit card for GATE 2006, and today i don't know my roll number to see my result. Uniyal tells me that what seperates my roll and his is a difference of twenty. Now i've tried all combinations of four from his number both ahead and behind.... the saga (which longed only two hours and that too in the examination hall) seems to have reaped nothing but despair..... NOT QUALIFIED !!! is what I think i am...... and so i conveyed that to my parents.
308 Kms seemed to make no difference..... i could gather their dissapointment- I offered no excues.... that i am doing MBA or my preparation was without an initiation!!!!
I just hope that i take this a spring of motivation.......... come back to the ground.... and start another earnest endeavour quintessentially aimed at authentic knowledge strides. Pray that NOTHING else disrupts me further...... of course there'll be not one, but, too many.... May i not get perturbed by them
308 Kms seemed to make no difference..... i could gather their dissapointment- I offered no excues.... that i am doing MBA or my preparation was without an initiation!!!!
I just hope that i take this a spring of motivation.......... come back to the ground.... and start another earnest endeavour quintessentially aimed at authentic knowledge strides. Pray that NOTHING else disrupts me further...... of course there'll be not one, but, too many.... May i not get perturbed by them
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Aurora- the journey behind the scenes.... from Dawn to Dusk
The thought process started when Vineet sir congratulated me in the most fanatical methods I could ever imagine, its understood that it came from someone who was associated with Aurora during his days in college. Many others followed Palash Sen, Pawan sir , Gagan sir, Saurabh sir….. n many more.
The twinkle in the eyes of Robby sir, Nitin sir, Ankit, Ayush seemed more like a flare to me……… indeed they were happy and contentious. Well !! for me, those split seconds, those expressions, those statements, those jiffies MADE IT UP FOR EVERYTHING …………perhaps.
Not for once but for a ton times, would I have felt disheartened, loomy and disgusted, not really understanding that why am I doing so much for a cultural fest after all. Words of my batchmate – “ Itna sab nachne gaane ke liye kar raha hain !!!! “ still reverberate in my ears- Were they out of a serious complex or authentic ones pertaining to his perceptions???? this question still remains a dilemma.
Day 1- February 15th
Probably I had got used to sleeping at 4 and waking at 7… but today was special with all sorts of apprehensions hogging the limelight in my thoughts…. Tinkle had set the stage wrongly…… so the day started with a heavy flak or dose for him which included slangs I could never have amassed had I not been so petrified deep within.
The ‘food’ for me was Pepsi and chips--- someone who has been so nutrition conscious all his life!!! Amazing how things change within mini seconds…..
Well it was all chaos for me during the inaugural ceremony…. Compliments to Richaria sir and Piyali Mam for holding the stage without giving away the slightest of indications about the turbulence which was in attendance backstage. The events followed over the day and received colossal appreciations.
The whole fraternity was enjoying and in the backdrop of the plethora of events were me and Robby sir …. too worried about the visit of officials from the excise department- they threatened us of posing strong hindrances during the final day if we did not pay up the excise tax or the offering potraying the conventional alternative..!!!! We did not have a single penny to offer. I had a performance in the solo dance…. Ankur brought me the shirt which I adorned, it was a performance with no practice whatsoever (I would have done the same steps even if I had practiced…. Never mind !!).I was ecstatic to see the crowd relishing their time in various modes of formation. Ended the day on a pathetic note, severely hurt a very dear friend and had a seemingly tough time that night.
An apology is a good way to have the last word.
Day 2
Was at the front by 9 in the morning, we had sold no tickets at all and I was very discouraged to note the promotions team clinching on to every possible excuse to cover up for their failure….. petty politics at its fore and I could do nothing since the persons involved were seniors and any strong reaction from my side would have caused great panic to our already fragile unit (No dishonour in admitting that our team was quite frail).
Filled up the forms of Mr. & Ms.Aurora…. the organizers had given a page to fill up at our own will…….. I dedicated it to my parents thanking them for the manner in which they have nurtured me and showering upon me affection which has been unconditional augmented with considerate criticism.
We also had a group dance for which I never got enough time to practice… who cares!!!!. Time ran like Ganges at its full fury and I found myself on stage (adorning Chauhan’s grey suit) as a participant of Mr.Aurora. Unlike my fellow participants I remained preoccupied with the financial state with regards to the next days historic performance by Euphoria… and believe me I could not lob it away even on stage. Was exponentially relaxed when compared to last year, and relished the situational round and the consequent altercation with Piyali mam. Synchro funk followed and for the first time we were performing on stage with props.
The pits had just begun to dig their way… !!!!!, a breach in the agreement on the part of VLCC and while everyone was enjoying War of DJ’s … it was me, Robby sir , Marut and Saurabh sir sitting on the floor besides the library…. What more could one ask for??? I was wearing formals and so was Robs!!!!
My joy of winning the personality contest and synchro funk just could not surface, we were seriously deficit and I muttered profuse prayers … everything had to be in place the next day.
Day 3
The sound and lighting from Delhi arrived at 5 in the morning … I scanned the venue at 5 in the morning with Kushwah…. Was taken aback by the volume of the inventory…. Are we on for a Filmfare or something???? This is what struck me.
By 9 I woke up many of my sleeping batchmates and juniors …. Sincere gratitude towards all of you… what you people did that morning laid the foundation for the luminous evening that day. The first year juniors carried the cots from the basement to the venue. These were last minute requirements from Euphoria……
I could spot wrinkles on the faces of Robs, Nitin, Uday sir, Ayush, Ankit, Divij that morning… but did not point them out … for obvious reasons. I had a terrible brawl with Palash Sen that morning …. that left me crying in one corner of block ‘D’ !!!. Did not want to catch anybody’s attention during the half hour I took to regain my composure. When the band came for testing, Palash probably realised the constraints we had and the amount of energy we guys had put in materialising the deal. A compromise was reached with minor altercations.
The crater of financial deficit still laid large and had to be filled in the space of half a day.
The prize distribution started without any presence of our esteemed faculty members… it was only Sahu sir…. What were we doing all this for???? Another pinch of salt on my wounds.
The speech that I gave as the General Secretary was without any written speech whatsoever…. I had to pose between pauses, as if I was reading it out from the letter pad I carried ………… How could on chalk out a speech in such circumstances… atleast I could not , the more capable people definitely can…!!!!
It was Marut who was at the gate till the end of the Euphoria nite selling tickets… and believe me mate…. What you did stands apart as the most gallant contributions towards Aurora ’06. The efforts put by other volunteers on one side…. and yours on the other.
VLCC helped out in the finishing moments and we just about managed to grasp the frontier. Euphoria did come to Gwalior for the first time and returned satisfied.
P.S.- WHAT PAINS ME IS DESPITE THE ARDENT EFFORTS PUT UP BY US …. PEOPLE STILL CRITICISE THE MINOR ALTERCATIONS WHICH OCCURRED IN THE PROCESS. MOROVER A COMPARISON BETWEEN “ AURORA” AND “INFOTSAV” IS VERY MUCH EVIDENT…. WHY DON’T PEOPLE MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS?????….
AURORA’ 06 WAS A COMPLETE FAILURE LEST 'ACTION SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS'.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Sanjeev @ Aurora ' 06
Just came back from one of the frustrating rendezvouz with one our esteemed professors of our coveted college. It is said that one needs to be a fighter in all aspects, perseverance being the key, never feel lost no matter what the adversities staring right in to your eyes at close quarters.
I've been a patient listener to advices which define a SYSTEM in profound terms..... something like it is like transfer function.... the input is given and when it is transformed into an output, it is very much the input but with refinement and accountability overheads added to it.People at their best, when it comes to flabbergasted remarks as if they were established peers or saints professing disciplinary and moral virtues.
Well i guess majority of the hands will rise with unanimity if i ask this question - How many of you like to be showered upon by praise and upteem recognition????
Precisely the reason I took charge in organising the annual cultural festival of our insitute-AURORA (this name really scares me now.. !!!!).
"Theory is synonymous with practical only until you really put the theory into practice"----- wise people will catch what i just edged with both hands. That was way back in November, and this is early February -- i am still under terrible scrutiny from within regarding the way i have gone about things.
Just highlighting the ire arising out of my involvement with
The distances i have fashioned with my close buddies -
I have a strong reason to write this at the helm. It is no dishonour to confess that I never had much to say in this regard before, but, semi-colons are spiraling into colons , commas are whirling into full-stops ……NOW.
People brand me as obtrusively ambitious and obsessed with
Work is to be done more out of passion than a crave for recognition- It was me and Nitin sir who were here during the winter vacations, gruelling for sponsorships. My mom was the only source of motivation often highlighting that more people would join in once they sense some recognition in the offing. The deal with VLCC which brings Euphoria into IIITM was framed and reframed repeatedly…… in the process I realized its not ‘ME’ who has accomplished this credential…. Its infact ‘HIM’ who takes charge at the right time. People want to be officially within the committees even when they know deep within themselves that their contribution towards the cause is zilch.
Team Psychology- We now have a team of volunteers all being a part of the vicious cycle of complacency and aloofness. Pretty difficult to get things worked out especially if seniors are involved. However, I know you won’t be reading this but let me thank you, still--- Robby sir, Nitin sir, Ankit, Ayush and Pranjal. If all works out well, I owe you people much more than the customary party.
GATE- Hmmm…. Why am serious about this at all???? Mujhe to MBA karni hain. A pretty stupid sway but I am certainly not able to devote much time towards this endeavour. Sorry mom n dad …. I know you will be hurt if you come to know what your son is really up to, over here.
SYSTEM- I perceive we as students are being crushed silently in the cold war which exists between the higher authorities in our college ( I am trying my best to stay away from the controversial jargon). I reminisce with acute nostalgia the poem in which Papa asks Johney(the student) wether he is eating sugar or perhaps lying. Here in IIITM, Johney is requesting, appealing and sometimes even yelling for Papa for the slightest possible assistance. Nonetheless, Papa is preoccupied with his own sphere. Johney is left on his kneels in a remote corner within our academic block of magnanimous proportions---- sobbing, curling and waiting for the hand which would embrace his shoulders. He’s still waiting……………….
Thanks to blog world—my punching bag.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
TAGged Reply
Explications.... I find none
In this world am I the only one ...
(That’s how I begin to think before starting to write about myself !!!)
Fate has assigned its share of ignominies and exhilarations
Then why am I always on a look out for manifestations.
One who strives to be a perfectionist at times and one who is content being the common man (prone to making mistakes) during the other times.
Am intricately religious, one who strives to visit a temple everyday, recite prayers regularly…. That’s because I believe in a cosmic world where vibrations are both virtuous as well as unpleasant.
I believe it’s my hard work, emotional and spiritual quotient that help me carry the flag in this world … the intelligence quotient takes the backseat.
Pretty unstable when it comes to mood swings… I may feel lovely one moment… equally depressing the other moment…. Do not show it to the world nonetheless !!!
Am very poor in expressing my emotions…. though I have received a comment that my eyes say it all!!!! Never mind.
A green apple is most welcome anytime, anyplace, anywhere.
It’s my humble perception that I am a jack of all trades (to an extent) but still searching for the trade that I can master.
Am a dreamer with a difference …. even my dreams confine to the practicalities of life… weird isn’t it???
Poor again in initiating conversations and sustaining them…. that’s because there is an inherent quantity of showcasing involved which really irritates me.
Don’t understand this …. but I just cannot shed my Cassanova image be it school, college or even my colony for that matter….. Girls find every action of mine as an attempt to cast an impression on them…. believe me this is notated after a handsome number of feedbacks from the opposite sex.
I think I should have written this at the top, my idol in life is my Dad… he has infused within me a judicious mix of honesty, integrity, discipline and vibrance… more by action than words or advice…. hence I learnt a lot by watching him over the years.
My Mom is a storehouse of unconditional affection and a considerate critic at the same.
Cricket was my passion in my schooldays but I relinquished my passion for a seat in IIITM (probably).
School Topper in class X Board examinations….. perhaps, one of the summit achievements pertaining to academics.
I believe that one is admitted into a never-ending school named ‘life’… where one needs to learn through comprehension all throughout.
Like listening to Lucky Ali n Bryan Adams in particular.
Its my stimulations or actions and thoughts out of excitement and scurry which often play spoilsport for me.
I have a pathetic sense of humour, though my wits are prohibitive many times bailing me out of difficult recalcitrant situations.
I may be an extrovert and eloquent from the exterior but the intense feeling of ardor, within me, is way too possessive and dictating at times.
Live in a constant apprehension as to how life will be without my ardent friend(s), if ever….. it were to be… in future.
Life outside my house is synonymous with a trap of treacherous emotions for me….. will consider it as a job well done if I get through without leaving behind a contrite trail.
Well I just gave one extra in the flow…that’s for the delayed reply to the tag…..
Chao
In this world am I the only one ...
(That’s how I begin to think before starting to write about myself !!!)
Fate has assigned its share of ignominies and exhilarations
Then why am I always on a look out for manifestations.
One who strives to be a perfectionist at times and one who is content being the common man (prone to making mistakes) during the other times.
Am intricately religious, one who strives to visit a temple everyday, recite prayers regularly…. That’s because I believe in a cosmic world where vibrations are both virtuous as well as unpleasant.
I believe it’s my hard work, emotional and spiritual quotient that help me carry the flag in this world … the intelligence quotient takes the backseat.
Pretty unstable when it comes to mood swings… I may feel lovely one moment… equally depressing the other moment…. Do not show it to the world nonetheless !!!
Am very poor in expressing my emotions…. though I have received a comment that my eyes say it all!!!! Never mind.
A green apple is most welcome anytime, anyplace, anywhere.
It’s my humble perception that I am a jack of all trades (to an extent) but still searching for the trade that I can master.
Am a dreamer with a difference …. even my dreams confine to the practicalities of life… weird isn’t it???
Poor again in initiating conversations and sustaining them…. that’s because there is an inherent quantity of showcasing involved which really irritates me.
Don’t understand this …. but I just cannot shed my Cassanova image be it school, college or even my colony for that matter….. Girls find every action of mine as an attempt to cast an impression on them…. believe me this is notated after a handsome number of feedbacks from the opposite sex.
I think I should have written this at the top, my idol in life is my Dad… he has infused within me a judicious mix of honesty, integrity, discipline and vibrance… more by action than words or advice…. hence I learnt a lot by watching him over the years.
My Mom is a storehouse of unconditional affection and a considerate critic at the same.
Cricket was my passion in my schooldays but I relinquished my passion for a seat in IIITM (probably).
School Topper in class X Board examinations….. perhaps, one of the summit achievements pertaining to academics.
I believe that one is admitted into a never-ending school named ‘life’… where one needs to learn through comprehension all throughout.
Like listening to Lucky Ali n Bryan Adams in particular.
Its my stimulations or actions and thoughts out of excitement and scurry which often play spoilsport for me.
I have a pathetic sense of humour, though my wits are prohibitive many times bailing me out of difficult recalcitrant situations.
I may be an extrovert and eloquent from the exterior but the intense feeling of ardor, within me, is way too possessive and dictating at times.
Live in a constant apprehension as to how life will be without my ardent friend(s), if ever….. it were to be… in future.
Life outside my house is synonymous with a trap of treacherous emotions for me….. will consider it as a job well done if I get through without leaving behind a contrite trail.
Well I just gave one extra in the flow…that’s for the delayed reply to the tag…..
Chao
Friday, October 21, 2005
My Unpretentious and Convoluted Insight into two years of stay in IIITM - Semester-II
SEMESTER-II
We (Me, Akshay, Adi n others) boarded Taj early in the morning, but were late in reaching Gwalior because of dense fog enroute. Poor Shivanshu bore the lion’s share of the pulling each other’s leg affair…. He was even nomenclatured with his present addressals then.
We celebrated the New Year in Jaipur with few of our seniors. We put up at Rahul sir’s place where the hospitality was superlative. The dinner we had at Choki-Dhani was a treat beyond comparisons…….not only in terms of quantity, but also the inherent eminence involved in the process of serving a starving individual…… the calls of ‘ Padharo SA ‘, ‘Baitho SA’, ‘Thoda aur khao SA’, still find faint reverberations in my ears. We had a stupendous taste of Rajasthani food and hospitality at the same.
I was drawn into the Data Structures and Client-side scripting languages. Semester-I had its wedges of ‘Bakar’, however I liked to confine myself in my room remaining pre-occupied with academics or IT magazines.
Akshay, Uniyal, Ankur, Ankit made it a point to come over to my room almost daily, mocked the sudden alterations in my attitude. I gave them stupid replies—something like I consider it a waste of precious time even when it came to watching movies.
The seriousness lasted a month, I again got back to the old ways… only difference being I started spending appreciable time in the library. Nothing much happened during early and mid January, I reminisce myself as being a taciturn observer of the normal tide of events and exaggerated explanations of the same.
The festive epoch was soon to come….
The month of February, brought a surrear joy as me and Ankit won the Double Wicket Cricket Tournament (one of the few completed endeavors in IIITM….. I must say!!!)
Even now, I evoke the two overs when we garnered about 28 to 30 runs in EACH, Arvind Sir and Shivanshu being the unfortunate sufferers.
Subsequently, a blue streak of northern light showed upon the IIITM campus- the name was Aurora’04. Well!!! Don’t get cajoled by the narration ….. I remember the Chief Guest’s introductory statement… something synonymous with the following lines:-
“On this solemn occasion my memories go back to the days when I was one among you, and used to witness the inaugural ceremony of our college’s cultural event THOUGH
The number was far more then , than what’s visible right now….”
The three days of Aurora have marked groovy recollections of fun and fervidness, TRENDZ was consummate …. I danced both solo and group (as usual…..) by the way, I was one of the hot properties of IIITM then, as dancers are always appreciated in their respective first years, its only when I performed the same reiterated steps in the following years …. the student fraternity realized that I am game only for a handful.
Well!!! that’s how I’ll plead my case in the court of justifications.
However, the Mr. Aurora contest infused within me the poise and buoyancy which I am carrying forward to date. Am still livid at my dim-witted retort in the judge’s question round where I inaugurated the centralized AC plant , appointed 20 faculty members and built an auditorium for Aurora, as the director of IIITM 10 years from then. Nonetheless, I regard the runners-up title in a personality contest in my very first year at college as one of my foremost achievements.
Infotsav’04 rolled up and folded without any ruckus. Finally my second majors in IIITM dawned (SMEARING THE MOST TESTING TIMES IN MY TIMESTAMP…..
… quote ----- PERSONAL REASONS----- unquote)
As always the gushing and rushing moments… (did not have many but definitely the most notorious till date)
• A minor altercation with Akshay due to gross misunderstandings…… in the same inhalation, I’ll say he’s one of the most considerate friends I’ve made in IIITM….. I do not hesitate to share my intricate tribulations with him.
• I won’t state this explicitly, but the incident before the majors bore a tremendous brunt on my ethical dogma (I was always a proud person in this aspect before…). I must confess that it took me long to become conscious of the ignominy I had caused to my conscience and the affected persons.
Let me tell you, this incident and my suspension from college during my 3rd semester mark the most defining moments of traits…. I learnt to accept the cons within my character…. Moreover, learnt to confess my mistakes both intricately and externally.
CONFESSION seems to be synonymous with an effort to sever an obstinate pile, but all it takes is a humble acceptance of your blunders juxtaposed with an over-ride of your self-esteem. Once accomplished, life will take a drastic U-turn, it’ll seem as if it had never been better….. Please appreciate these views as they are penned out of experience.
We (Me, Akshay, Adi n others) boarded Taj early in the morning, but were late in reaching Gwalior because of dense fog enroute. Poor Shivanshu bore the lion’s share of the pulling each other’s leg affair…. He was even nomenclatured with his present addressals then.
We celebrated the New Year in Jaipur with few of our seniors. We put up at Rahul sir’s place where the hospitality was superlative. The dinner we had at Choki-Dhani was a treat beyond comparisons…….not only in terms of quantity, but also the inherent eminence involved in the process of serving a starving individual…… the calls of ‘ Padharo SA ‘, ‘Baitho SA’, ‘Thoda aur khao SA’, still find faint reverberations in my ears. We had a stupendous taste of Rajasthani food and hospitality at the same.
I was drawn into the Data Structures and Client-side scripting languages. Semester-I had its wedges of ‘Bakar’, however I liked to confine myself in my room remaining pre-occupied with academics or IT magazines.
Akshay, Uniyal, Ankur, Ankit made it a point to come over to my room almost daily, mocked the sudden alterations in my attitude. I gave them stupid replies—something like I consider it a waste of precious time even when it came to watching movies.
The seriousness lasted a month, I again got back to the old ways… only difference being I started spending appreciable time in the library. Nothing much happened during early and mid January, I reminisce myself as being a taciturn observer of the normal tide of events and exaggerated explanations of the same.
The festive epoch was soon to come….
The month of February, brought a surrear joy as me and Ankit won the Double Wicket Cricket Tournament (one of the few completed endeavors in IIITM….. I must say!!!)
Even now, I evoke the two overs when we garnered about 28 to 30 runs in EACH, Arvind Sir and Shivanshu being the unfortunate sufferers.
Subsequently, a blue streak of northern light showed upon the IIITM campus- the name was Aurora’04. Well!!! Don’t get cajoled by the narration ….. I remember the Chief Guest’s introductory statement… something synonymous with the following lines:-
“On this solemn occasion my memories go back to the days when I was one among you, and used to witness the inaugural ceremony of our college’s cultural event THOUGH
The number was far more then , than what’s visible right now….”
The three days of Aurora have marked groovy recollections of fun and fervidness, TRENDZ was consummate …. I danced both solo and group (as usual…..) by the way, I was one of the hot properties of IIITM then, as dancers are always appreciated in their respective first years, its only when I performed the same reiterated steps in the following years …. the student fraternity realized that I am game only for a handful.
Well!!! that’s how I’ll plead my case in the court of justifications.
However, the Mr. Aurora contest infused within me the poise and buoyancy which I am carrying forward to date. Am still livid at my dim-witted retort in the judge’s question round where I inaugurated the centralized AC plant , appointed 20 faculty members and built an auditorium for Aurora, as the director of IIITM 10 years from then. Nonetheless, I regard the runners-up title in a personality contest in my very first year at college as one of my foremost achievements.
Infotsav’04 rolled up and folded without any ruckus. Finally my second majors in IIITM dawned (SMEARING THE MOST TESTING TIMES IN MY TIMESTAMP…..
… quote ----- PERSONAL REASONS----- unquote)
As always the gushing and rushing moments… (did not have many but definitely the most notorious till date)
• A minor altercation with Akshay due to gross misunderstandings…… in the same inhalation, I’ll say he’s one of the most considerate friends I’ve made in IIITM….. I do not hesitate to share my intricate tribulations with him.
• I won’t state this explicitly, but the incident before the majors bore a tremendous brunt on my ethical dogma (I was always a proud person in this aspect before…). I must confess that it took me long to become conscious of the ignominy I had caused to my conscience and the affected persons.
Let me tell you, this incident and my suspension from college during my 3rd semester mark the most defining moments of traits…. I learnt to accept the cons within my character…. Moreover, learnt to confess my mistakes both intricately and externally.
CONFESSION seems to be synonymous with an effort to sever an obstinate pile, but all it takes is a humble acceptance of your blunders juxtaposed with an over-ride of your self-esteem. Once accomplished, life will take a drastic U-turn, it’ll seem as if it had never been better….. Please appreciate these views as they are penned out of experience.
Monday, October 10, 2005
All Virtuous Traits Come With A Bubble Reputation
Three years in IIITM, have been a judicious mix of the occasional invigorating experiences juxtaposed with the perennial ignominies (unfortunate developments---- is my implication).
I infer that, the state outside the watch over walls of our saccharine dwellings is arduous, to be very polite. As a teenager, I always dreamt of spending time in isolation, as it aroused a prodigious sense of adventure within me, where I would be free to tread the mill of my existence within the realm of my sole perceptions. The very contemplation of pursuing education with hostel accommodation sent shrills down my vertebrae.
Looking back, I cannot help but smile at my inanity, a smile that conceals thedisenchantment with regards to my innate dream of the past.
With deep regret I confess to have fallen prey to the ‘TRAPS’ of life- the EMOTIONAL TRAPS to be precise and, concise at the same. It sometimes gets so TOXIC that I feel like making a insipid dash towards oblivion.
Over the last year, I instilled within me a healthy conscience as result of regular prayers,
pleasant thinking and convincing actions which exhorted me towards the incomparable source of bliss in a dignified manner….. but probably as nature has it etched in its directives that -
-- ALL VIRTUOUS TRAITS COME WITH A BUBBLE REPUTATION
the moment you make the slightest contact, the bubble ruptures leaving behind a soul which can do nothing but be remorseful, wishing ardently … if apologies could set right the unfortunate mistakes…. ALAS.
I made the mistaking of overriding the budding superciliousness (arrogance, egoism, etc etc to name a few..) within me, by unconsciously attributing myself to the various peaks in the context of fame and success.
Now at this juncture, I find myself weak and impatient (ONCE AGAIN…) …… knowing fully well what I am doing wrong ….. somehow, am able to do nothing about it. I feel proud to think of the days when I achieved my purpose with dedication and perseverance without worrying of the insurmountable odds that existed then. Today when I am much safer (with very few odds against me)….. I feel cowardice, failure in being perseverant and constant unwanted apprehensions are mocking me at my face…..
Perhaps I would have been better off at home with mom n dad around, who would sense my solitude, make me do the inevitable prayers (reference: Carrot and Stick Policy), counsel me and advise me with examples within and outside my family. My brother and bhabhi would have enlivened my world with their terrific situational humour (I have a pathetic sense of humour, though I am perceived by others as having prohibitive wits).
I’ll again go back into the shell for the time being, regain the composure, the tenacity, the vigour, the zeal moreover the temperament to be emotionally stable.
I have no words to express the contentment I have experienced in writing my long enduring thoughts. Please don’t brand me as an pessimist after going through this blog, its just my experiment to change the direction of the high-rise tide in my life, at present. Sincerely hoping for success in this endeavour.
I infer that, the state outside the watch over walls of our saccharine dwellings is arduous, to be very polite. As a teenager, I always dreamt of spending time in isolation, as it aroused a prodigious sense of adventure within me, where I would be free to tread the mill of my existence within the realm of my sole perceptions. The very contemplation of pursuing education with hostel accommodation sent shrills down my vertebrae.
Looking back, I cannot help but smile at my inanity, a smile that conceals thedisenchantment with regards to my innate dream of the past.
With deep regret I confess to have fallen prey to the ‘TRAPS’ of life- the EMOTIONAL TRAPS to be precise and, concise at the same. It sometimes gets so TOXIC that I feel like making a insipid dash towards oblivion.
Over the last year, I instilled within me a healthy conscience as result of regular prayers,
pleasant thinking and convincing actions which exhorted me towards the incomparable source of bliss in a dignified manner….. but probably as nature has it etched in its directives that -
-- ALL VIRTUOUS TRAITS COME WITH A BUBBLE REPUTATION
the moment you make the slightest contact, the bubble ruptures leaving behind a soul which can do nothing but be remorseful, wishing ardently … if apologies could set right the unfortunate mistakes…. ALAS.
I made the mistaking of overriding the budding superciliousness (arrogance, egoism, etc etc to name a few..) within me, by unconsciously attributing myself to the various peaks in the context of fame and success.
Now at this juncture, I find myself weak and impatient (ONCE AGAIN…) …… knowing fully well what I am doing wrong ….. somehow, am able to do nothing about it. I feel proud to think of the days when I achieved my purpose with dedication and perseverance without worrying of the insurmountable odds that existed then. Today when I am much safer (with very few odds against me)….. I feel cowardice, failure in being perseverant and constant unwanted apprehensions are mocking me at my face…..
Perhaps I would have been better off at home with mom n dad around, who would sense my solitude, make me do the inevitable prayers (reference: Carrot and Stick Policy), counsel me and advise me with examples within and outside my family. My brother and bhabhi would have enlivened my world with their terrific situational humour (I have a pathetic sense of humour, though I am perceived by others as having prohibitive wits).
I’ll again go back into the shell for the time being, regain the composure, the tenacity, the vigour, the zeal moreover the temperament to be emotionally stable.
I have no words to express the contentment I have experienced in writing my long enduring thoughts. Please don’t brand me as an pessimist after going through this blog, its just my experiment to change the direction of the high-rise tide in my life, at present. Sincerely hoping for success in this endeavour.
My unpretentious and convoluted insight into 2 years of stay in IIITM - Semester I
SEMESTER- I
Day 1- I was keyed up to the brim while boarding the Shatabdi Express. Mixed feelings were surfacing … one reminiscing me of my past in school and DCE… the other thrilling me towards whatever lay ahead in ABV-IIITM.
I was disappointed at the first stare across the campus but the, then Director, Mr D.P.Aggarwal was impressive. I felt I need to emulate his confidence and veracity.
Johney was the first person to whom I introduced myself, next was Ankit followed by the bunch in the hostel (remember meeting Raghavan, Jayant, Girraj, Sudhanshu…..).
Among the girls it was Vandana Mam initially, Anubha and Jyoti were the first from our batch.
Have fond memories of the first stroll with Dhruv, the guy radiated virtuosity throughout the chat. Left me uncertain as to how do I situate myself within this batch of pinnacle performers ?????
Ragging was never an apprehension, my precedent rendezvous helped me carry the flag through troubled waters without much ado…. of course the numerous stumbles are not ruled out.
The preeminent part was the approach with which our batchmates tried to establish intimacy (or sometimes distance themselves…) from each other in the earlier days.
It goes without saying that the first impression cast goes a long way… I could not help admiring people like Johney, Dhruv, Jayant, Ankit, Bharat, Nikhil, Marut, Anubha, Jyoti for the moderations in their conduct during the initial days ( I developed a predilection towards them ).
Next were the festivals starting with Parichay’2003 and Topa’2003…. Were fun!!!.
I state confidently that all hands will raise with unanimity with regards to the find of Topa’03- Ashutosh Uniyal, guy of immense brilliance and grasping power. Till date people exclaim that he does not do justice to his potential…. In the same breadth they are thankful for the same.
Pages kept turning while we got accustomed to the hostel life, method of study, ragging as well. Cricket, table tennis and badminton under lights were the highlights.
On the academic front, the gravity of many of my batchmates ….Marut, Bahri, Yogesh were stupendous springs of motivation for me. Ankit, Ashutosh and myself bought our PC’s after several rounds of consultations from our seniors.
All these accounted for the first three months….. ,meanwhile, Gwalior did not engross me by any means.
The cricket match between India and Australia has marked groovy recollections…. The cheering and the pail of slangs flinged on Symonds and Agarkar!!!!
The final month was by far most exciting- my team with Dhruv made it to the badminton finals but we were, sort of, comprehensively beaten by Prateek sir and Marut. No infamy in being packed down by a superior side. Memories of our official Freshers are still embossed on my grey cells.(….remember Uniyal having a tremendous bout of fever but still made it to the party, only to come back and fall unconscious on the bed….. another week off !!!!!).
We could finally walk hands on shoulders with our seniors, saying hi rather than good mornings and afternoons!!!!
Finally majors dawned, next memoir was myself leaving for home in Taj, eager to discuss the past semester with my soulmate(s) in Delhi.
Life is a mixed bag and likewise was this semester… I discuss the gashing moments now, which made ME vulnerable to rips and trips, CAN’T say about OTHERS…!!!!.
Would like to specially mention that the following are purely my sensitivities …….
NO pun intended, NO fun either..!! Please do not treat the following as themes for heated exchanges within the group.
--- The CR elections and the subsequent altercations with the seniors in the hostel seemed untoward to me. I’d like to quote the centre of attraction then-Alok- is indeed a man with a golden heart. It’s his stimulations which play the spoilsport. Keep a check on them mate and no one can stop you from escalating.
---The question papers episode still seems incongruous. No more comments!!!!
---I noticed guys took great pride in associating themselves with girls…. Looked down upon those who did not do so. People used to concoct their own stories pertaining to this topic, on many occasion I sensed the crocodile in the sea, nevertheless kept mum. The whole proposition seemed obtuse(the most decent word). I was always of the opinion that one spawns his identity at his own behest…. Arrogance due to companionship is nothing but perfidy. (Emotional support is a different issue….. cannot say about physical supports).
---My first visit to the GH turned out to be a bamboozle. Don’t exactly remember the occasion, anyways, let me quote Miss X’s (for obvious reasons) words for me and Dhawal who was alongside me then…..(I overheard her whispering to Miss Y !!!!)
(The English translation)
For Dhawal—he’s a cute guy, seems sane n smart. Don’t be fastidious, he looks like a long shot.
I expected something far more superlative n encouraging… BUT….
For Sanjeev—yeh to pehle din se hi apne liye ladki dhoond raha hain..
So blunt… so perilous… I was amazed how somebody could gather an impression without even talking to me. I thought Miss X possessed tremendous insight….perhaps came out of a dozen affairs.
That signifies the nail clippings for semester I … thank you for patiently reading my piece…. The other semesters follow in the subsequent mails..
Day 1- I was keyed up to the brim while boarding the Shatabdi Express. Mixed feelings were surfacing … one reminiscing me of my past in school and DCE… the other thrilling me towards whatever lay ahead in ABV-IIITM.
I was disappointed at the first stare across the campus but the, then Director, Mr D.P.Aggarwal was impressive. I felt I need to emulate his confidence and veracity.
Johney was the first person to whom I introduced myself, next was Ankit followed by the bunch in the hostel (remember meeting Raghavan, Jayant, Girraj, Sudhanshu…..).
Among the girls it was Vandana Mam initially, Anubha and Jyoti were the first from our batch.
Have fond memories of the first stroll with Dhruv, the guy radiated virtuosity throughout the chat. Left me uncertain as to how do I situate myself within this batch of pinnacle performers ?????
Ragging was never an apprehension, my precedent rendezvous helped me carry the flag through troubled waters without much ado…. of course the numerous stumbles are not ruled out.
The preeminent part was the approach with which our batchmates tried to establish intimacy (or sometimes distance themselves…) from each other in the earlier days.
It goes without saying that the first impression cast goes a long way… I could not help admiring people like Johney, Dhruv, Jayant, Ankit, Bharat, Nikhil, Marut, Anubha, Jyoti for the moderations in their conduct during the initial days ( I developed a predilection towards them ).
Next were the festivals starting with Parichay’2003 and Topa’2003…. Were fun!!!.
I state confidently that all hands will raise with unanimity with regards to the find of Topa’03- Ashutosh Uniyal, guy of immense brilliance and grasping power. Till date people exclaim that he does not do justice to his potential…. In the same breadth they are thankful for the same.
Pages kept turning while we got accustomed to the hostel life, method of study, ragging as well. Cricket, table tennis and badminton under lights were the highlights.
On the academic front, the gravity of many of my batchmates ….Marut, Bahri, Yogesh were stupendous springs of motivation for me. Ankit, Ashutosh and myself bought our PC’s after several rounds of consultations from our seniors.
All these accounted for the first three months….. ,meanwhile, Gwalior did not engross me by any means.
The cricket match between India and Australia has marked groovy recollections…. The cheering and the pail of slangs flinged on Symonds and Agarkar!!!!
The final month was by far most exciting- my team with Dhruv made it to the badminton finals but we were, sort of, comprehensively beaten by Prateek sir and Marut. No infamy in being packed down by a superior side. Memories of our official Freshers are still embossed on my grey cells.(….remember Uniyal having a tremendous bout of fever but still made it to the party, only to come back and fall unconscious on the bed….. another week off !!!!!).
We could finally walk hands on shoulders with our seniors, saying hi rather than good mornings and afternoons!!!!
Finally majors dawned, next memoir was myself leaving for home in Taj, eager to discuss the past semester with my soulmate(s) in Delhi.
Life is a mixed bag and likewise was this semester… I discuss the gashing moments now, which made ME vulnerable to rips and trips, CAN’T say about OTHERS…!!!!.
Would like to specially mention that the following are purely my sensitivities …….
NO pun intended, NO fun either..!! Please do not treat the following as themes for heated exchanges within the group.
--- The CR elections and the subsequent altercations with the seniors in the hostel seemed untoward to me. I’d like to quote the centre of attraction then-Alok- is indeed a man with a golden heart. It’s his stimulations which play the spoilsport. Keep a check on them mate and no one can stop you from escalating.
---The question papers episode still seems incongruous. No more comments!!!!
---I noticed guys took great pride in associating themselves with girls…. Looked down upon those who did not do so. People used to concoct their own stories pertaining to this topic, on many occasion I sensed the crocodile in the sea, nevertheless kept mum. The whole proposition seemed obtuse(the most decent word). I was always of the opinion that one spawns his identity at his own behest…. Arrogance due to companionship is nothing but perfidy. (Emotional support is a different issue….. cannot say about physical supports).
---My first visit to the GH turned out to be a bamboozle. Don’t exactly remember the occasion, anyways, let me quote Miss X’s (for obvious reasons) words for me and Dhawal who was alongside me then…..(I overheard her whispering to Miss Y !!!!)
(The English translation)
For Dhawal—he’s a cute guy, seems sane n smart. Don’t be fastidious, he looks like a long shot.
I expected something far more superlative n encouraging… BUT….
For Sanjeev—yeh to pehle din se hi apne liye ladki dhoond raha hain..
So blunt… so perilous… I was amazed how somebody could gather an impression without even talking to me. I thought Miss X possessed tremendous insight….perhaps came out of a dozen affairs.
That signifies the nail clippings for semester I … thank you for patiently reading my piece…. The other semesters follow in the subsequent mails..
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